Shorewood woman arrested on multiple charges
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 17634 Shares
8/28/2019
OakLawn, IL
A shorewood woman was arrested Wednesday evening by the oaklawn police department, according to reports. Officer Robert Kelly booked her in on numerous charges, too many to count on two hands he said.
Stephanie Luevano, unknown age, but pushing at least 300 pounds, was arrested coming out the back door of an elderly couples home. At first officer Kelly thought it was a burglar, but quickly realized it was Stephanie, the person he went to arrest. She was arrested at the home of her fiancées parents, yet was screaming at officer Kelly, “THIS IS MY HOUSE I SWEAR!!! THEY ARE MOVING TO MEXICO IM KICKING THEM OUT!!!”. Officer Kelly was confused when she said this cuz not only were there McDonald’s cheeseburger crumbs were flying out of her mouth as she was yelling, he knew it was not her house and that she was lying.
Oak lawn police received a tip earlier in the day on a woman who was taking advantage of an elderly couple, evading taxes, lying about being a home owner, and sucking dick for the new Popeyes chicken sandwich which recently sold out. That’s when officer Kelly went to arrest her after an anonymous tip gave him the address she was at.
Officer Kelly said shortly after the arrest, “ We are throwing the book at her. This bitch has so many charges I don’t even know if I can tell u how many. This includes tax evasion for not paying taxes on the 700$ daily salary she makes working at Pizza Hut, aggravated taking advantage of an elderly couple, aggravated lying about owning her own home, aggravated sucking dick for Popeyes chicken sandwich, aggravated eating kfc in the car during lunch at her old job, aggravated living in the ghetto part of oaklawn, aggravated tricking a 35 year old man into marrying her, aggravated being up her grandparents ass thinking they gona give her money, aggravated eating a cheeseburger due to the crumbs flying when she started yelling, battery on a police officer with cheeseburger crumbs, assault on a cheeseburger, aggravated always coming out the back door of her fiancées parents house cuz they don’t allow her in through the front, aggravated trying to send two people to Mexico so she can lie and say their oaklawn house is hers, aggravated buying the same car twice for 25,000$ even thoUgh it was worth only half that price brand new, aggravated hating on everyone, and aggravated being a thirsty bitch. There are so many other charges we can’t even remember all of them, they will be on the oaklawn patch soon tho.”
Officer Kelly ran out of breath stating all these charges, so we had to give him a break. Stephanie luevano broke the Illinois record for amount of felonies in one arrest. She also broke officer Robert Kelly back seat after she did a cannonball into it when being taken into custody.
Stay tuned for further reports.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.