WORST TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF THE SEHOME HIGH SCHOOL?

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BELLINGHAM BASKETBALL PRE-SEASON ANALYSIS:

Bellingham & Squalicum High School will most likely battle for league titles while going on to win state in their respective division.

Sehome Girls' Basketball teams, on the other hand, predicted to lose every game this season by an average margin of 25 points. A combination of lazy players and young, hippie coach looking to be a recipe for disaster.

Esteemed coaches have this to say: "You guys SUCK! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you SUCK!"

Sehome C-Team 2018-2019 record: 8-9
2020 prediction: 0-17

Sydney Taggart did a great job last season with her young group, she has moved on to JV at Sehome and the strategies she used to be successful seemed to have moved on too. Vegas predicted their win percentage at 0 and is 100 certain they will be correct.

"They just won't come together", says expert Vegas bookie.

Sehome JV team 2018-2019 record: 12-5
2020 prediction: 0-20

While producing the only winning record last winter, you would expect the young Sehome girls to be dominate this season. Unfortunately, Ben Zakheim, the former JV head coach and Varsity assistant was FIRED by idiot head coach Anye Turner. He was quickly hired and is now the head coach of Mt Baker HS Boy's Basketball. In a separate article, we have predict him to become the all-time winningest coach in MBHS history and to win a state championship in his very first season. When asked why he FIRED Ben, coach Anye had this to say, "he was much too smart for my program and he had really good ideas which is something I don't have interest in."

All the good Sehome JV players have quit or declared for the WNBA as they realize their career will only be hampered in this program. Sydney Taggart in her 2nd year has shown she has what it takes to be a great head coach, but unfortunately the talent will be lacking and there is only a 2 chance they can win a single game this year.

When asked about her outlook on the team, Sydney says that "I am just here to pay for my top ramen".

Sehome Varsity Record 2018-2019: 7-14
2020 outlook: 0-20

The Varsity team has the most abysmal chances of the Sehome program. Earning an F- in all categories used to determine team strength: team chemistry, communication, shooting ability, ball handling, defense, etc. This is a very thorough and legitimate rating system that has NEVER been wrong. After graduating 4 seniors, Sehome is in a familiar position of relying on young players.

Sehome's youth showed promise last winter, but based on our research spent 237 more time "chillin" than any other team in Whatcom county this spring & summer. This lack of work ethic and leadership from the coaching staff will become blatantly obvious as they get steam rolled night in and night out.

Varsity assistant Trish Neary had this to say, "I have been coaching for a long time and I have seen teams all over the world, this has got to be the laziest group I have ever seen."

Vegas predicts the worst season it has EVER seen. "they will be TERRIBLE", exclaims very smart Vegas guy.

Most have already returned their season tickets and said they will not be caught in that facility, no matter how nice it is. Local fan had this to say, "I have two daughters in that program, the coach offered me 50 bucks to come support them in the first game December 3rd against Bellingham. I told him that you couldn't pay me enough to go. You suck."

Will Sehome be able to come together and beat the odds and win a single game? THE ANSWER IS NO.

-very smart, very qualified, Bellingham Sports Writer.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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