Jamaican Man Found Guilty of 'Eating Pussy too Well'

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 70883 Shares

A Jamaican man, Junior Thompson was today found guilty of assault occasioning grievous bodily harm today in the Corporate Area Resident Magistrate's Court. Charges stem from a midnight 'booty call' involving Mr. Thompson and the victim, according to neighbours, he had with his side chick on the night of September 3, 2019. Mr. Thompson visited the victim's home to 'let of some of her steam.' According to court documents, they were said to be engaged mutual pre-coital oral stimulation of each other's genitalia when the victim started suffering from a seizure and slipped off the bed and hit the back of her head on a commode in the bedroom, she was taken to hospital and was placed in an artificially-induced coma to prevent any brain damage. She was released a week later in high spirits. The victim, who wished not to be named due to fears of reprisals from Mr. Thompson's main chick said the only bad thing from the experience was that she never came. She however added that she was asking Senior Magistrate Pusey to be lenient on the defendant and any custodial sentence she is planning on applying when Mr. Thompson is to be sentenced next week should include the victim overseeing it's execution at her place.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

loading Biewty

Most Popular

  1. 1

    bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.

  2. 2

    new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."

  3. 3

    whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.

  4. 4

    two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.