Lucas shows up for season opener 50 pounds lighter, best shape of his career
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Fairfield University Mascot "Lucas the Stag" heads into Fairfield's season opener in the best shape of his career after shedding 50 pounds during the offseason. Lucas claims Mr. Peanut and new Coach Jay Young served as his inspiration. “I've always wanted to look like Mr. Peanut, after all who wouldn't? So I talked to Coach Young, and he told me if I tried hard enough, I could do it.”
Clearly Lucas feels he would not have had success with the diet without Jay Young’s constant advice. “When I first started my diet,” Lucas stated, “I talked to Coach Young and he suggested I start my diet with a trip to the Pittsburgh Paint store. He said I could get thinner there. He also said, you need to go to the Gym every day. So I renamed my toilet from John to Jim. Now I go to the Jim every morning. Still dieting was tough. After the first month of dieting, all I had lost was 30 days. I tried to go on the Military diet but after a while I became a deserter. Then I tried only eating at upscale restaurants so that I wouldn’t put on weight in the wrong places. But I found its’s really hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing. Still somehow, with the inspiration that comes with a new coach, and a summer of great practices, I am ready for the season in the best shape of my career.”
Stag fans hope the inspiration of a new coach and a summer of great practices has this year’s team ready to compete. Stags fans from around the globe are excited about the team, about Lucas’s return and about the return of Stags Basketball.
[b]Stunning photos of Lucas from before and after the diet. [/b]
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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