Trouble at Bargain Booze Kendal
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The authorities are trying to trace a man who late on Saturday evening tried twice and failed both times to purchase strong cider from Bargain Booze in Kendal. Witnesses report that a large man, with an even larger forehead was seen entering Bargain Booze at around 9:50pm. Despite having a glazed over look in his eyes he seemed rather jolly and excited about the two cans that he put down on the counter, it almost looked like he was drooling. However as he was fumbling around for change whilst muttering to himself in an Elvis Presley kind of accent, a chavvy looking woman, who looked like she had just had a fight with the makeup counter at Boots, burst through the shop door, grabbed the two cans off the counter and screamed 'you're not having those, now get out' in a broad cockney accent, and then shoved them back in the fridge before clipping the man round the ear and pushing him outside.
Several minutes later the man re-appeared, it looked as though he had managed to escape the chavvy woman but looked on edge and was repeatedly glancing over his shoulder to make sure she wasn't there, he was then seen banging on the door of Bargain Booze pleading for those two cans of Thatchers Gold. The shop assistant had by now locked the door and claimed the shop was shut, she then told the Ant McPartlin look alike to 'Fuck off'
They we're last seen staggering down Kendal high street in the direction of the New Fortune Chinese takeaway, with another, younger looking, attractive man and a short woman who resembled Brian May from Queen. If you we're in the area at the time or have CCTV footage them please contact the Kendal Advertiser.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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