Local Grass Cutter Named Indiana’s Regional Expert

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“I haven’t washed my hands in over 10 years” Sanger said to CNN. Timothy “Micah” Sanger, of Southern Indiana, has been appointed as Indiana’s Regional Expert on All Subjects, as of 11/23/2019. Officials from Indiana State Government stated to CNN on Saturday that they scoured the Internet, looking for the most biased, uneducated, racist, homophobe they could find. Officials stated that after interviewing Scientists, Professors, Astronauts and Doctors, they decided to go in a different direction. “We wanted someone that is an expert on everything. We found Timothy through his 400 Facebook posts a day. Each meme he shares is full of completely biased and incorrect statistical malfeasance. He only has a high school diploma, and recently had to close down his food truck. He only has experience in being arrested for illegal fishing and running lawn mowing. We feel that this makes him an expert on such issues like The Flu Vaccine, Autism, Gravity etc.” Timothy did state to CNN that his post may not be a long one. “Although I am happy to share my knowledge of all subjects with Indiana, my post will be a short one. If Donald Trump loses in 2020, the world will come to an end. I am currently waiting for chain email from Branham on the location of the secret meetup to get to the afterworld. We are right now assuming that Trump will be able to get in via proxy.”

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