Entire Ferguson Team Drafted

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 81627 Shares

In a shocking turn of events the entire team has been drafted in the first round. But sadly not in the MLB :(. They have been drafted into the US armed forces last night to fight in the war against Iran. We have been covering and monitoring their training as they get prepared to fight for their lives and country. After arriving at the base they were immediately assigned to their jobs while many were placed into infantry some got “special” jobs. Star slugger and catcher Xavier Murillo was placed into the special forces custodial unit. Izzwaldo Villabos was assigned as a tank driver due to the fact his head was the only one was that was big enough to fit into the helmet. Lord help us all the Us government just gave Izzy an actual tank to drive. The entire pitching staff was given the task to throw grenades and be the explosive specialists. In their first day of training they had Private Oropesa throw a grenade at a window but he somehow managed to miss and hit the wall having the grenade bounce back into the foxhole leaving all of them critically injured. Reports are coming in that the entire platoon got punished when the drill sergeant walked into the barracks and walked in on new recruit Pino walking around harassing other recruits with his ball-sacks. Oh We just got word that the entire team has been discharged after an incident which saw fellow PO Alejandro Alonscock arguing with outfielder Emilio “Whiff” Nieves Jr as to who’s loot was who’s after killing their first Iranian solider. This has been TurtleNews thank you for tuning in.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

loading Biewty

Most Popular

  1. 1

    bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.

  2. 2

    new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."

  3. 3

    whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.

  4. 4

    two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.