Shitbox Nation: President talks Contract for Killdozer Defense Forces
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According to sources within the White House president Donald Trump met with Scotty Hamm, owner of Shitbox Nation, in regards to requisitioning some of the 183,000 members to build a fleet of homemade Killdozers in response to the situation in the middle east. President Trump met with Scotty Hamm in hopes to broker a deal enlisting the help of a large untapped resource right here in our own backyard. The president was quoted as saying:
"We are the best, we will always need the best to stay the best. We need big beautiful D8s, D9s and possibly D355a Komatsu Killdozers for the Iranian mess. It's a mess, a BIG mess, gotta stop it. It's no good, we need billions and billions of Killdozers."
This comes in response to Iran following through with their threat of more retaliatory attacks after the death of the Iranian military leader General Salami. The Iranian special forces have amassed on Iraq's borders is a show of force just after General Salamis funeral. This correspondent is here to tell you apparently the Pentagon plans to wage a different kind of war, a Boogaloo if you will.
"It's about time we rethink how we approach this conflict" a White House official was heard saying. "We think it's time to send in Shitbox Nation with a fleet of homemade Killdozers."
Officials have said the struggle of getting approval through Congress for any plan for long term military intervention in Iran are at a complete stand still. "We can't use our military forces so why not send in unofficial force with zero rules of engagement?"
Officials are worried though as a majority of Shitbox Nation members have histories of substance abuse, histories of purposeful environmental destruction through tossing car batteries into clean water sources while also blatantly ignoring any concerns for safety and common sense, screaming DO OR FOR DALE at inappropriate times and for LS swapping literally anything they get their hands on.
One White House official who opposed the idea was quoted as saying "I don't think sending in endless waves of half drunk Americans in halfway running homemade death traps blaring "Freebird" through loud speakers and them doing digs through mine fields is going to get us anywhere. The last thing we need is an international incident with drunken American patriots on foreign soil."
More on this story as it develops.
Reported by Minty Python
1/7/2020
Source C-PEN15
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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