Heat are scared, Bobcats play zone, and Cwertniak is still a man
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Week 2 saw some shitty basketball if we are all being honest with each other. It was appropriate that the basketball got better and better as the night went on, which was refreshing. But after this week I am somewhat baffled on how to rank the teams. There were some games that went the complete opposite way of their intended finish but I think that’s good. And went it comes down to it, it’s my opinion, so if you think it’s shitty you have the right to think that. One thing is for sure, we have a couple of the “50 ft under shit” teams but there are a solid 5-7 teams that are battling for the top spots right now.
Clippers (0-2) v. Celtics (2-0) - I think most people would rather clean up the Maine South cafeteria than watch this game in its entirety. Mike Cwertniak proved himself again by dropping 22 points. But if Cwiertniak dropped literally 0 points, they would have still won by 20 points. I’m not sure if this proves the Celtics to be good or the Clippers to just be really really bad. Clippers are officially the unofficial bye week though. Kritopher Geir told me “I thought that even though we aren’t the most talented, we could be good as a team” and I responded “This isn’t ‘Band of Brothers’ you idiot, you guys suck.”
Magic (1-1) v. Nuggets (0-2) - This is the game that was the most confusing. I mean the Nuggets didn’t have either Kracik or Arthur but still, they lost by 19 points. Gio Paganis showed me nothing; at one point he had the ball, jumped in the air, landed on his feet and was genuinely confused by the ref calling it a turnover. Michael Gawrlyo kinda went off though, he’s dangerous for the Magic from three. I don’t think this proves the Magic being good but rather the Nuggets just not showing up. Clay has some nice glasses though.
Blazers (2-0) v. Heat (1-1) - The McGregor fight lasted longer than this one. The Heat didn’t show up. If I am correct, I predicted this. This could’ve been a very very good game that would have decided a lot but instead it was a shootaround for 45 minutes. People say the Heat are good but how good? How good are the Chiefs if Mahomes, Hill, and Kelce don’t show up? I did talk to the refs during this time though and he said, “Man this is dope, I get paid for kicking back with my boys and watching you dumbasses try to play basketball.” He then stole the ball from me, hit a three and flicked me off.
Kings (1-1) v. Thunder (1-1) - This also did not go as many had thought. The Kings pulled one out with a solid performance from Peter Manolis. It was a low scoring affair; I blame that on our boy Palandri going 0-18 from three point. And apparently Eoin Hopkins almost got suspended for a week so although I don’t wanna do it, he’s hopping on the anger management. Thunder might have proven that they don’t have enough chemistry and talent. But the Kings also proved that they are underrated, solid dub for them. Mannix said, “Yeah bro it was just fun, and my lettuce was really digging the vibes in here. I got this new headband from Lulu and it just propelled me to this win dude, sorry what was the question?”
Hornets (0-2) v. Bobcats (2-0) - This was the game, the big one. Bobcats played a pansy zone so the Hornets stuck to mostly threes which got them the lead for the first half and most the second. I am not sure if Brander made this clear enough last year, but if you play zone you’re soft. Hornets looked like they were gonna pull this one out but the Bobcats popped back real quick. Triffo did nothing. Luke Martin did everything, hit 3 threes late to put the Bobcats up and seal the win. This was the first big game of the year and it did not disappoint. Although they are 0-2 the Hornets have the hardest schedule by far so I still consider them a top three team. That might be proven otherwise but I’ll wait to see it happen. Oh and Rzepnekownowaski still hasn’t been to a game, he had a “Polish Vodka Tasting” Sunday morning and was too drunk to get to the game. I doubt this kid will ever be able to find the gym for a game.
Week 2 was kind of solid, Heat pussed out, Kings proved themself and the Bobcats came back for a dub. Next week we see the Blazers v. Bobcats prime time which should be good. Anger management rankings will be cumulative, meaning it won’t be on a week to week basis, more of a sum of the whole season. I am also starting to do MVP of the week. This will go to whichever player plays their heart out and goes off. Jay Walsh is 11 in power rankings because he went off about the rankings even though they are still 3 with a bad record, hit some threes and get back to me.
Power Rankings:
1. Blazers
2. Hornets
3. Hornets
4. Heat
5. Thunder
6. Kings (fake news)
7. Celtics
8. Magic
9. Nuggets
10. Clippers
11. Jayson Walsh
Anger Management:
1. Justin Brosnan
2. Jay Walsh
3. Jake Biederman
4. Ben Triffo
5. The author of this article
MVP of the Week: Luke Martin
Next Week:
4 pm - Kings v. Celtic
5 pm - Heat v. Nuggets
6pm - Clippers v. Magic
7pm - Bobcats v. Blazers
8pm - Hornets v. Thunder
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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