Blazers Keep it Going, Hornets WIN, and Clippers win (haha jk)
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The league saw a somewhat stagnant week as we played earlier in the day to allow Jim Dihu to watch the big game comfortably. Didn’t feel the same but nonetheless, it was another day full of basketball. And like usual, the games didn’t start until the Clippers vacated the premises. Joseph Stalin once said, “No man is truly great who is great only in his lifetime. The test of greatness is the page of history.” What a great speaker that man was. I think that is the goal of every team in this league; to make history within the Park Ridge Park District. Some are utterly failing but others might just achieve it.
Kings (2-2) v Clippers (0-4) - [un·pleas·ant (adjective) causing discomfort, unhappiness, or revulsion; disagreeable.] Manolis dropped like 30 though, so respect to him. Oh and the Kings are officially sponsoring the impeachment trial.
Thunder (2-2) v Blazers (4-0) - Blazers did not stop the engine on this Super Bowl Sunday, especially Nicolas George who dropped 32. The 1 team in the league continues to show why they’re the best in the league through their ruthless defense, offensive rebound, and firepower from the field. Thunder have to be disappointed by this one but they join the pack of .500 teams who are still looking decent. Eoin Hopkins cannot carry this team with his two jacked arms, he’s gonna need a supporting cast. Harrison and Eoin both kept their names on the anger management rankings for just reasons. The Blazers look scary though.
Hornets (1-3) v Celtics (3-1) - Do you believe in miracles??? Hornets win. This is an impressive game to get their first win considering the Celtics were undefeated. Finally we got to see Lazar Marsenic used to his full potential as he took control of this game. Skoronski was a fan favorite to be put on the anger management list so he’ll be on there. Don’t wanna do it but you gotta give the people what they want. This would have been a solid win for Celtics to solidify themselves among the best but they are still a top 5 team in the league. Hornets showed what they are capable of if they utilize their team to its full capability. Also Jack Sullivan is the team bitch apparently, so he is a front runner for MVTB (most valuable team bitch).
Magic (2-2) v Heat (3-1) - Heat got this win pretty easily as we saw the Magic play terribly. Gio Paganis said “Dudeeeee hella turnovers. No cap, I probs had like 7 or 8 myself. Shit’s not even lit.” Heat do a great job of distributing their points among the team. You would think Teahan and Hayes would just take over but before you know it each player has 5-12 points. That’s a good characteristic to have on a team but if the defense lacks then that won’t matter. Heat stay at 2 as they take care of business. Magic needs to play some decent basketball or they’ll join the shit teams at the bottom permanently.
Bobcats (3-1) v Nuggets (0-4) - Bobcats bounced back this week after a week 3 loss to the Blazers. The Nuggets put up more of a fight than expected but it ended like most people imagined. Griffin Rode stood out for the Bobcats as he dropped 17. When asked about his performance after the game he said, “Fuck off, the Super Bowl is on.” Triffo also has to be mentioned not only for his performances this whole season but for the noises he makes when he goes for the rim; it sounds like a baby otter making love to a sea turtle every time he drives. Kid is good though. The Nuggets have continued their streak of being almost as terrible as the Clippers. The difference is the Nuggets look decent and lose by 10, the Clippers look like actual feces and lose by 60.
This week did not grab everyone’s full attention. I blame that on everyone wondering if Demi Lovato was going to sing for 1 min and 52 seconds (clocked in at 1:49 btw). But next week should be good, get to see Bobcats and Heat go at it. Hopefully we can see a full Heat squad take on a decent team. Nicolas George grabs MVP of the week unanimously. Lastly, Brooks Brothers (Alec Nilsen) has reportedly been traded to the Thunder. He felt the need to ask people if this was “okay”. Every single person responded this way, “I literally couldn’t give less shits. You wear running shoes and ankle socks when you play.”
Power Rankings:
1. Blazers
2. Heat
3. Bobcats
4. Thunder
5. Celtics
6. Hornets
7. Kings (fake news)
8. Magic
9. Nuggets
10. Clippers
Anger Management:
Justin Brosnan
Eoin Hopkins
Harrison Harms
Ben Triffo
Peter Skoronski (go cats)
MVP of the Week: Nicolas George
Next week:
4 pm - Thunder v Nuggets
5 pm - Bobcats v Heat
6 pm - Hornets v Clippers
7 pm - Kings v Magic
8 pm - Trailblazers v Celtics
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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