KA Downtown Destroyers Week 1 Recap
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It was February 9th, 2020. A beautiful 75 degrees and sunny. A perfect day for softball one could say. Why were we there? Some would say to have fun. No. Some would say to exhibit sportsmanship and befriend Phi Kap. Absolutely not. We were there to win and win only. Our efforts to prevail were stopped short for the second Sunday in a row, but only due to poor officiating.
Our team was led by team captain, Jack Campbell, defensive menace, Walker Whitney, power hitter, Henry Elliott, and Sandy Hindman, a.k.a Clayton Kershaw. The game started off slow, as dong shots were inhibited by a stiff wind from the southeast. After a scoreless two and half innings, Phi Kap took a two run lead thanks to Mike Osh’s unfathomably bad depth perception from center field. A thrilling 5th inning followed a scoreless 4th. In the bottom of the 5th, Henry Elliott sent an absolute piss missile into left center. Science itself cannot explain how this ball was caught. That flock of mediocre athletes have no business making those kinds of plays, but I guess miracles really do happen.
The houseless Phi Kaps were two outs away from victory when all hell broke loose in the top of the sixth. With Losh on first, Elias Francque appeared to ground out into a devastating double play. Fortunately, the horrid second baseman sent the ball sailing into the red prius’ windshield past first base, allowing Elias to take second. With two outs, and a man on second, we needed a big play from team captain, Jack Cambell. The Lefty Hammer sent one into right field, where the game winning catch was dropped. Jack Freeman, one-fourth of our third base coach team, made a SDE call, telling Elias to stop at third. Obviously, that was ignored. Elias, a.k.a The Rally King, was barrelling towards home while the catcher was clearly in the basepath. Not being allowed to slide only left one option: straight forward. A massive collision at home ensued, making the catcher drop the ball. Elias was safe and the catcher appeared to start a “fight” that was quickly deflated by the boys in crimson and gold. In all the madness, the ball still lay on the ground; the play was live. Campbell was coming down the third base line, faster than a Jamaican on roids. He was safe. The pussies at IM sports claimed he was out of the baseline, ending the game.
It was a well fought battle, one that should have been won. We all could have played better, but the umps had it out for us. We look forward to next week’s battle, a game that WILL be won. We face off against Sig Chi on March 8th. This game is still a while off, which should give us plenty of time to rest up. Based on this week's players and coaching staff, the recommended batting order is as follows:
Losh (second base)
Elias (right field)
Campbell (center field)
Henry Elliot (short stop)
Walker (third base)
Nick Elliot (left field)
Sandy (offensive pitcher) (first base)
Garvey (defensive pitcher)
Mike (catcher)
Coaching Staff
Henry Taylor, Max Jefferson, Jack Freeman, Jamie Sullivan (all third base coaches)
---- Hentai Haven ----
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