Blazers are talented, Hopkins got angered, Clippers are unfortunately back
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This week in house league was interesting to say the least. It seemed more like a reality television show than a basketball league with all the drama that unfolded here in week 7. We didn’t really learn anything we didn’t already know, the Clippers are still in shambles, the Hornets are still overrated, and the Heat are still inconsistent. It seems that the only constant in this league is the fact that the Blazers are going to win. Literally every week, like they are so damn good.
Blazers (7-0) v. Kings (2-5) - Like I said, this was an easy game to predict. Both teams were short handed so at the end the game turned into a shit show but nonetheless the Blazers won in convincing fashion. Big Red kept up his double digit assists per game as he dropped 10 this game. They shot the ball horribly. Like absolutely awful.
Bobcats (5-2) v. Thunder (4-3) - I had to pull out the popcorn for this game. It was much closer than it should have been, I actually have no idea how the Bobcats didn’t blow them away. The Bobcats started off strong with four threes in the first quarter from Peter Bahu, and then they kind of fizzled out. Griffin Rode peaked, scoring 22 points which will probably never happen again. Like, ever. The most entertaining part of the game came in the fourth quarter when Eoin Hopkins started fighting with the scorekeeper. I recorded a dialogue for you guys to enjoy.
Eoin: “What the f***, stop the f***ing clock!”
Scoreboard Guy: “Get out of my face, sit down!”
Eoin: “Stop the clock then you f***ing liar!”
Scoreboard Guy: “Did you just call me a liar to my face!”
The two had to be physically separated at this point. After the game I heard Eoin in the bathroom crying, saying, “Dad you have to come to our next game *sniffles* the guy yelled at me, please stop him daddy!” *audible sobs*
Hornets (4-3) v. Magic (3-4) - Another game that should not have been close. The Hornets pulled off the narrow victory, 51-49. Peter Skoronski was missing for the Hornets, but that does not excuse such a close game with a subpar Magic team. Lazar continues to be one of the most overrated players in the league, getting 19 points on 8-37 shooting. At one point during the game the ref put the Fear of God into the whole Magic bench, yelling at them to shut up. With the bench quiet, the Magic were carried by Gio in his unflattering tights and big number 8 whose jersey number is literally duck tape. Gio shot about 100 times, on par with Carlo Kwon’s 100 shots. Both of them had terrible percentages.
Heat (5-2) v. Celtics (3-4) - The Heat had a good win against a decent team today, showing us what they can do when they decide to show up. Hayes and Teahan proved to be too much for the Celtics as Cwiertniak played more like an infant than a man. The Celtics were up by 8 at one point, before the Heat pulled away and ultimately won by 12. Teahan is still the most overrated player in the league, right in front of Lazar. Honestly, the whole Heat team is washed or just terrible at basketball. Pags, Maune and Greif could be replaced with players from the Clippers and it would make no difference. Sacor is a literal midget, Hayes is completely washed, Lazic is just fast, nothing else, and Markovic is average. They are also led by a coaching staff of insanely low IQ. Matt Gallios and Jack Leyden, I mean come on.
Nuggets (2-5) v. Clippers (0-7) - I didn’t go to this game. Honestly, I didn’t even know if there was going to be a game or not. The Nuggets won 71-33. At some point it kinda just feels like beating a dead horse. The Clippers hardly show up and when they do, they are awful at best. I honestly think that they would be 0-7 in the freshman-sophomore league too. Justin Brosnan dropped a solid 20 points, but who cares, it was against the Clippers. Flynn Maloney commented on the game, saying, “I was running on 2 hours of sleep but it really didn’t f***ing matter cause Geier plays basketball like he’s Hellen Keller, and mark my words we are going to win out the rest of our games.” It’s also worth noting that Luke Kracik, the Nuggets best player, has only shown up to one game. Flynn also commented on this, saying, and I quote “He is such a cuck.” Could this be the start of some teammate beef?
Like I said, this week in house league basically confirmed what we already knew. The Blazers run this league. With only 2 games in the regular season left, the seeding for playoffs is essentially finalized, with a few average teams like the Magic and Celtics able to move up or down a spot.
Power Rankings:
Blazers
Heat
Bobcats
Thunder
Hornets
Magic
Celtics
Kings
Nuggets
Chicago Sky
Lincoln Middle School 8th Grade Girls Team
Clippers
Anger Management:
Eoin Hopkins
Justin Brosnan
Harrison Harms
Scoreboard Guy
The used to be writer of this article
Eoin Hopkins (Yes, again)
Beef:
Eoin Hopkins v. The Scoreboard Guy
Griffin Rode v. Henry Curcio
Kings v. The Three Point Line
Clippers v. Winning
MVP of the Week:
Griffin Rode
22 pts
5 asts
4 rebs
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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