Forty-year manhunt for “Creepy Velvet” painter ends in showdown with police

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 29740 Shares

WARNING! DISTURBING IMAGES - MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL VIEWERS.
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.

For over four decades, Squinty “Creepy Velvet” McGee had evaded the authorities, sometimes through cunning cat-and-mouse evasion tactics, often through him taking on an assumed name, and for many years living “off-grid” taking odd jobs such as a deckhand on commercial fishing vessels and as a cook in logging camps along the wild west coast of Canada, British Columbia. This week Canada’s federal police, the RCMP, finally caught up to the elusive man some are calling a “visual terrorist”, alerted to his whereabouts through anonymous tips and clues from social media posts.

Mr. McGee’s multitude of crimes are a matter of national security and have not been disclosed publicly, however most are reportedly non-violent in nature, not withstanding the visual violence inflicted through his portrait-painting hobby, from which he earned his nickname “Creepy Velvet”. Squinty’s hobby and his passion may ironically have been his downfall, since he was found by tracking down his paintings which have been posted online in recent years. Despite the disturbing nature of these paintings, teams of forensic specialists reviewed many haunting images during the manhunt. Several members of the force have subsequently required trauma counselling and art therapy just to be willing to look at any painting again.

The disturbing simulacrum shown here might have been the nail in the coffin for the fugitive, the final clue that helped justice catch up to Creepy Velvet. It seems that one of his unwitting “art” subjects had been engaged in an online discussion around how to dispose of one of the paintings. Dubious rumours have even suggested that the piece was to be put on display rather than set ablaze, though sources verifying this unlikelihood could not be verified at the time of this article’s posting; no such reasonable opinions are believed to exist.

There is quiet celebration now, not only by law enforcement but by the multitude locked in during the COVID-19 pandemic, safe now in the knowledge that no further terrifying images will be produced by this visual-violent offender to be posted online during these vulnerable times. Bail has been denied to Mr. McGee in his booking to await trial. The judge’s response to Squinty’s request to have access to art supplies during his incarceration echoed the sentiments of a fragile nation, perhaps the world: “HELL to the NO!”. It seems that law and order, common sense and basic decency remain the prevailing forces in Canada during these challenging times.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

loading Biewty

Most Popular

  1. 1

    bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.

  2. 2

    new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."

  3. 3

    whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.

  4. 4

    two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.


Mar 2020