New Medical Technology Breaks Records in LA County

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Los Angeles, CA - 1 April 2020. In the midst of the novel Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, the only new medical technologies getting coverage are those that are helping to treat COVID infected patients. With regard to these technologies’ importance, this unusual time does not call for a halt to all other medical technological innovation.

Dr. Longdong of Covina, CA has been testing a new piece of equipment that uses radar to remotely simulate body part shapes of hundreds of people per hour within a 30 mile radius. Dr. Longdong used this tool to find unusual body shapes in hopes of reaching out to patients and offering medical care for those who are too shy or embarrassed about their unique bodies to ask for help on their own. With the range of this tool, Longdong is able to address cases like this in the Greater Los Angeles area.

In one case, Dr. Longdong was looking at projected shapes around the lower abdominal/hip region in the surrounding area. Longdong found an unusually large shape (roughly 10.5 inches) on a male body in northeast Claremont, CA. Zooming in, Longdong found this person to be at their supposed place of residence and identified the suspect as 19 year old male Gregory Gardner. When interviewed over the phone about his condition, Gardner revealed, “yeah that’s just my fat c*ck” to which the appalled yet impressed Dr. Longdong hung up and immediately reported this information to our station and local record bookkeepers. Los Angeles record bookkeepers were also shocked by this information, and told us that this is the longest case of male genitalia that they have recorded in LA county, topping their old record by two inches.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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