While citing the Bible, Trump urges congress to ban all sexual positions except missionary
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 82404 Shares
Trump has long been a Christian apologist, and although he has had his ups and downs with his own faith - he truly is a devout Bible literalist underneath it all. This is evidenced by his new talking point and push for congressional support of a bill with the sole purpose of keeping sexual relations Biblical. “Banning gay marriage isn’t enough - even married couples are acting out homosexual fantasies when they engage in sex such as ‘doggie style’ which was invented by Freddie Mercury.” He goes on to list all the sexual acts he has engaged in, including being urinated on, and says that through his experiences he has learned and knows “the best ways” to keep sex Biblical, and that it must be “locked down.” When asked how he will enforce his new bill, if passed, he suggested “we have ways, we have ways of surveillance - you know, the google homes, the alexas, the smart watches - we have ways of tapping in to data that was once considered private.”
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.