U.S Government declares Martial Law in Response to COVID-19

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In the midst of Easter, April 12th, 2020 at 8:34 a.m, President Trump has announced that the United States is now under martial law. Any and all citizens that leave their residential premises will be shot on sight, according to the Director of Home Protection Agency John Kalingski.

As of today, more than 143,000 Americans have been arrested for the intention of protesting, and more than 1.2 million have been shot and killed. All senators have been arrested for not complying and are now being held in United States Penitentiary Administrative Maximum Facility. Certain civil liberties may be suspended, such as the right to be free from unreasonable searches and seizures, freedom of association, and freedom of movement. And the writ of habeas corpus [the right to a trial before imprisonment] may be suspended.

President Trump made a statement this morning urging Americans to “do as told” and “refrain from patriotism…until martial law is terminated.” “I would call out the military now,” former Vice President Joe Biden said at the Democratic primary debate on Sunday night. “They have the ability to provide this surge that hospitals need. They have the capacity to build 500 hospital beds and tents that are completely safe and secure.” However, one major disadvantage to mobilizing the Guard or the Reserves is that those personnel would be redistributed away from civilian hospitals and duties.

“What we are trying to be very careful about is not overpromising,” Joint Staff Surgeon General Brig. Gen. Paul Friedrichs said in a Monday Pentagon briefing. “We want to be factual about what we have. Our fixed facilities are designed to the force that we have. They are not thousand-bed medical centers all over the United States. They are, for the most part, small community hospitals.” New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo wrote an op-ed in the New York Times pleading with Trump to increase testing and mobilize the military to help open more hospital beds before the situation spirals out of control. “At this point, our best hope is to utilize the Army Corps of Engineers to leverage its expertise, equipment and people power to retrofit and equip existing facilities — like military bases or college dormitories — to serve as temporary medical centers,” he wrote. “Then we can designate existing hospital beds for the acutely ill.”

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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