RESIGNING KABARAK DEAN NO LONGER HAS STAMINA TO MAKE STUDENTS CRY
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?Speaking to reporters Monday morning, a visibly drained and perspiring Elisha Ongoya announced his resignation as Dean of Kabarak Law school, saying he no longer possessed the physical energy and stamina to make students cry.
"It is with great sadness but steadfast conviction that I announce I am no longer capable of inflicting more psychological trauma on law students. While I am proud of the strides this faculty has made over the past two years, from discontinuing hundreds of law students to barring many more from taking their end of semester examinations, it has become evident that I now lack the propensity to make life even more difficult for them."
Pausing momentarily to wipe beads of sweat from his forehead, the Dean went on to thank the students as well as the staff for their support throughout his academic tenure.
News of Ongoya's resignation reportedly stunned the entire Kabarak community, many of whom believed that the 41-year-old advocate still had the stamina to bombard weary law students with boatloads of assignements, give unannounced CATs, and set sadistically difficult questions in exams.
Other members of the faculty, however, said they had recognized the dean had, as of late, grown feeble in his ability to corrode students' self-esteem. Many lecturers expressed appreciation that Ongoya recognized his limitations at completely devastating students, and admitted feeling a sense of excitement that a new Dean could reinvigorate the faculty's obsolete objectives.
"I'll always appreciate what Mr Elisha Ongoya did to my self-esteem," said Boniface Kingori, an insecure and perpetually frustrated law student. "He was a visionary leader who was undaunted by death threats and hate emails, always vowing to triumph over basic human compassion and ensure law students never feel comfortable being themselves."
"I doubt we'll ever get another dean so committed to making students suffer from feelings of inadequacy," Kongori added. "He will truly be missed."
Responding to the widespread outpouring of shock and sadness regarding Mr Ongoya's resignation, the Kabarak administration issued a statement Tuesday morning consoling the students, and promising to appoint a bold, resolute person to take the reins and guide the faculty in tormenting them with diverse acts of cruelty never before seen in the history of the world.
At press time, Mr Herbert Ndung'u was overheard saying he couldn't wait to bring his no-nonsense attitude to his new role as the Law School's Dean.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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