Goodbye Painbow
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Derby Fans,
It is with a heavy heart that we have had to say goodbye to talented derby player and beloved friend, Painbow Quartz. After a devastating fall in the final Jam in the championship game, medics on the scene where reporting to heart beat. After several minutes of CPR in attempt to revive her she was pronounced Dead at 7:45 this evening as a result of a head injury.
Painbow was undoubtedly a fan favorite and widely regarded as the greatest derby player in the league if not the country. She was especially known for her stability and the fact that she hadn't taken a fall since the championship finals in 2012 when she was taken down by a hip-check performed by Captain Slamerica, coincidentally the same move that caused her fall today, costing The Smackstreet Boys the match. After that day, Painbow states, she swore that she would never let something like that happen ever again. She trained extra hard and has not taken a fall since.
Many fans are calling what happened a result of foul play.
“Painbow would never have fallen on her own! Someone must have done something to make her fall !” One fan exclaimed.
“It’s the Haute Dish Curse!” stated another
Others disagree. Death by Derby owner, Ann TIk said of the accident. “This is a devastating loss but I would not go so far as to call it murder. And I would definitely not go so far as to say that it was the result of some curse. Even if something was wrong with her skates as some claim, I don’t believe it would cause her to die if the rest of her helmet was working properly. That’s what it’s for. To stop you from dying. Someone would have not only have had to mess with helmet but also known for certain she was about to for it to be considered murder.”
However while many are focused on how this tragedy occurred, others just wish to use this time to remember Painbow for the wonderful person she was.
“My favorite thing about Painbow” says Painbows long time best friend and Blocking Dead mascot Blockhead the Zombie “Was all the crazy pre-game and pre-jam rituals she would have. For example she was very into her helmet. She said that it was lucky and she would never let it off of her person except for before important Jams when she would pass it off to all her team members for luck.”
Whatever the cause of the death. Painbow will certainly be missed by us all. This is a devastating loss to the derby community and if someone did to something to hurt her they will have the whole league to answer to.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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