Study: Beluga Sulle Weighs Over 5,000 Pounds

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Source: CBS News

Recently, researchers at Harvard University have discovered that Beluga Sulle is likely to weigh over two and a half tons.

Kyle Hulse, head of the research team, took various photos of the creature and used these photos to approximate the weight. "It's a very strange creature," he said. "We've never dealt with anything this fucking large."

Dr. Hulse promptly apologized for swearing. "Normally, I wouldn't swear. But this creature almost sat on me. I nearly fucking died."

"Holy fuck, that thing is massive," said a researcher who preferred to remain anonymous. "Fully grown belugas are only supposed to weigh up to 3,000 pounds. What the fuck?"

Harvard expressed that they were not interested in doing any further research on the beluga due to the high probability of injury. "It's just not safe," Hulse elaborated. "Safety is our top priority."

We reached out to the beluga for comment, but it was too busy eating to respond.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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Jul 2019