School to be demolished, Teachers Fired
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Durham Catholic District School Board decided yesterday to immediately close and demolish the St. Joseph School in Oshawa and to sell the land for construction of a new Home Depot superstore. The students will be relocated to one of seven other schools throughout the city.
"The students don't really like this school anyway" said principal Jim McNeil, "Most probably won't even notice when the school bus goes somewhere else". "We feel the Home Depot will bring more value to the community than the current educational structure and surrounding playard" added developer representative Milton Sweazle, saying they form an "economic dead zone" which is better utilized in "productive enterprise and employment". "Yeah" agrees vice-principal Veronica Boyden "most of the students are so brain dead anyway that it's just a waste of time on these kids, just recently one of the grade sevens tried to steal a charity bingo prize, they're just not worth it". She added that she has a job offer with a "real school" she will accept instead.
Area residents are excited about the new Home Depot coming soon. "I know there is another one really close but it will be good to have one right across the street too" said local resident Claudia Delrosso "there are so many schools anyway, and with Home Depot, I like their flower section and my husband enjoys just walking around inside looking at the different kinds of wood". "Schools are overrated anyway, now the kids can have a job, maybe help out, they love doing that" added principal McNeil.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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