WHITE MEN CELEBRATE TRIFECTA TERRORIST ATTACK
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White men across the nation are celebrating this week after a terrorist attack which left one man dead, two others wounded, and millions terrified. A would-be mental patient with a serendipitous ethnic and religious makeup carried out the attack in Bourke St Melbourne on Friday afternoon. The State and Media ordained terrorist happened to be African, Muslim and a relatively recent immigrant alongside having an unpronounceable name. This struck a chord with many white men across Australia as it fits in well with many known stereotypes and prejudices.
The Prime Minister Scott Mo leaped into action by attributing primary blame on the man’s Islamic background after carefully considering his options. ‘It is difficult in extremely upsetting times such as these to decide which element of this man’s make-up, we need to exploit in order to divide the community’ he said in comments on Friday evening. ‘I mean we could go after the immigration vote with my polls looking like shit, but on the other hand the state Liberals are running a law and order campaign, so the black vote is very tempting’ he said to chuckles from the gallery. It is a difficult political decision for the Prime Minister who moved swiftly to ensure no-one would feel comfortable mentioning cuts to mental health spending in every budget by every conservative government ever. He declared political point scoring after a tragedy such as this would be ‘very sickening indeed.’
White men across the country who heard about it from their mates down the pub grimly shook their heads and asked themselves aloud ‘When will those Greenies ever learn?’ One man Darrell, who was consulted on the streets of Perth, commented ‘Fucking reffo dogs should all be shot or sent back to where they came from, whichever one is cheaper.’ After taking a drag on his Winnie Red he continued. ‘I mean first they said he was African, then they said he was a Mussie and now they reckon he’s a Refugee. Whichever one he ends up being, that’s bad news right there.’
The political opportunity was somewhat dampened by the fact that the only man killed by this trifecta terrorist killing machine was himself at one time an immigrant. That was the assumption at least because his surname was vaguely Mediterranean however our research department was recently halved and we’re not too sure actually. If the victim had been proper white it remains unclear how much pub beer garden vitriol and southern cross tattoo flag waving would be taking place in streets across the nation right now. One thing remains very clear, you would be correct to question anyone vaguely brown wearing anything on their head except a CAT cap.
Home Affairs Minister cum hotshot child-torturing mega-police white-avenger Peter Dutton stared blankly at the back of the room during an appeal to the nation. ‘There are hundreds and thousands of new Australian citizens we have under surveillance, but we can’t watch all of them’ He droned while masked guards trained guns on the press gallery. ‘Everyday hardworking Australians need to play their part in keeping the other half off the dole and out of children’s play grounds’ He said adding ‘You know the ones I’m talking about.’ Some Greenie fella predictably said something about multiculturalism and mental health but in times like these, who really listens.
-Bill Grant
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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