Pope Francis Beatifies Jane Enkin As Her Birthday Approaches

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Vatican City (Associated Press) - Pope Francis' standing with the world Jewish community will likely increase with today's announcement of the beatification of Jane Enkin, in time for her upcoming birthday on the 26th of November. This distinction declares Enkin "blessed" and encourages Catholics to venerate her. Questioned about beatifying someone living, and Jewish, the Pope smilingly answered, "tradition starts here!"

"We are deeply moved by Blessed Jane's spirituality," Pope Francis declared. "When she lifts up her voice in song, the angels gather to listen. She is a stellar teller of holy stories. When she opens the Bible, she turns it into poetry. Besides, she is the loving mother of two accomplished children, each of whom is a real mentsh. She feeds her family with homecooked meals, often with ingredients from her own garden." Continuing to expound on Blessed Jane's qualities as an editor and arts critic, her kindness and caring for friends and family, her deep appreciation of human art and the Divine art which is Nature, the Pope concluded, sotto voce, "una donna bellissima."

Vatican insiders suggest that Blessed Jane was nominated for beatification by her father, Murray Enkin, who was formerly the Pope's personal representative in Hamilton, Ontario, and her cousin Jacalyn Duffin, well-known consultant to the Vatican on miracles worked by saints.

In response to the proclamation, many Catholic countries have already declared November 26 a national holiday, while Israel has done the same for the 3rd of Kislev, the Jewish date of Blessed Jane's birthday.

The Church announcement is expected to increase the demand for Blessed Jane's recordings, You Are The Ocean (folk songs and originals) and Lider Fun Amol (Yiddish classics) as well as her forthcoming album of Yiddish tangos, to be recorded with Yoni Kaston, another likely candidate for beatification.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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