Local Teen gets Sponsored for the Wrong Reasons

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

2059 95157 Shares

(Parker,CO) Local Parker teen, 16 year old Dario Bautista, signs a deal worth aproximately $12.63 to appear on a cereal box for a national breakfast food company, although he's not so proud of the reason why."Well I enjoy FIFA and I play it all the time" says Dario when asked about how he got the deal."yeah I guess in thought I got good at it so I challenged my friend, Chris, to a match". He says that was a fatal mistake. "We started playing and by half time it was at least 4-0 and I had the shorter end of the stick". When asked why he didn't rage quit like a normal person, he responded "I guess I hadn't realized how bad I could get beat". he goes on to say 5 minutes into the second half, Chris went on to score a goal from midfield with Manchester City's David Silva. "I wanted to cry when I saw the ball hit the back of the net and extended my loss by another goal". Little did he realize this moment was what caught his sponsor's attention."when we heard how bad he got killed in FIFA, we knew he would be a perfect ambassador for our cereal brand." said a spokesperson for the breakfast company. Dario says "Well at least I'll gain brand recognition and bigger companies can realize my brand image is perfect for them". When we asked how he felt about the cover of the cereal box his image graces, he proceeded to go to his kitchen and bring back the cereal box with a look that had a mixture of pride and pain.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

loading Biewty

Most Popular

  1. 1

    bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.

  2. 2

    new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."

  3. 3

    whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.

  4. 4

    two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.