Mass hysteria as man known as 'Pumpkin Head' gets out his wallet
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Ambulances and police were called to UTC Aerospace as scenes of mass hysteria unfolded when process worker Michael Robins offered to buy drinks of tea and coffee for his coworkers.
One man had passed out although it appears this had nothing to do with the incident but instead meant he'd gone home to deal with a family tragedy, which involved a cat with 10 lives and an ear infection.
We spoke to one man at the scene, a 74 year old long term employee of the company Phillip Garret. Mr Garret had this to say "It was pandemonium, one minute I was about to put a pound coin in the drinks machine and the next Mike piped up and said 'I'll get these', we didn't know what to do, our friend Pieman collapsed instantly and he still hasnt got up, they've sent for the forklift to help lift him. People started screaming, I haven't seen this much confusion since Tony 'The Sheriff' Bellingham turned up uninvited to that finance meeting."
Another onlooker, whose name we didn't catch had this to say "I DAY HEAR A FUCKING WORD OF THAT!" A Mr Steven Ray expressed his shock he said "We thought his wallet was in his Mrs knicker drawer next to the jar that contain his bollocks".
We asked health and safety chief Gale Dawson how incidents like this could be avoided in future and she had this to say "Put ya glasses on".
Mike Robins was led away from the scene in handcuffs and could be heard shouting "HUH! I'LL BOOT YOU! AND YOUR FOOT SOLDIERS!"
Police have confirmed that people in the processing area of UTC aerospace should not be concerned as this is DEFINITELY an isolated incident.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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