Local Citizen Has Been Living Off Mtn. Dew and Tears For 5 Years

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Battle Creek, MI,

Local Citizen Matt Wilson of the Country Club Neighborhood reportedly has been living off of a harsh diet of Mtn. Dew and tears. That's right. Tears. Matt attributes this diet to harsh societal norms concerning Dewcentage, the percentage of Mtn. Dew in the bloodstream.

MedMich scientist Alfred Burnbaum stated that "Dewcentage could be the opening to human evolution". Matt is definitely on the road to becoming the next stage of human. Representative John Bizon even congratulated Matt on this endeavor by announcing a new health fund called the "Matthew R. Wilson Dewcentage Fund" for other children whom have the same rare gene allowing for such stern dietary habits.

Matt gave a statement this last week to React365 News "Who are you and what the hell is a Dewcentage". Thank you for your kind words Matt. God Bless you!

We will continue to follow Matt's story as it unfolds, if you would like to donate to the Dewcentage fund, please go to www.this-isn't-a-real-charity.gov.html/donate

2016 React365

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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