Local Salem Teen Death
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Salem teen Kaden Philabaum was found dead in his residence today at 3:15 P.M. Crime scene investigators report that the death was not from murder or natural causes, but something far stranger. Kaden is a known user and strong supporter of Marijauna, and was a heavy user of "dabs". He died from attempting to actually inject the substance, butane hash oil.Oil is thicker than blood, and so will clog arteries and veins, causing embolisms which, if you're lucky, may only cause your limb to swell and perhaps to be amputated--but that's if your blood clots in a limb. If it's headed to your heart, you'll have a heart attack, to your lungs a pulmonary embolism, to your brain a stroke. Injecting oil into your skin to be absorbed into your bloodstream is akin to raising your triglyceride cholesterol levels by hundreds, as lipids such as oils and triglycerides clog arteries, increase risk of stroke and heart attack, and cause all manner of problems for the body. In this case it was a heart attack that caused this sad loss. He was 17 at the time. First responders pronounced him dead on the scene. There will be a eulogy held downtown this Tuesday where friends and loved ones may pay respect.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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