Jersey Mikes Massacre
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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On a calm Monday after noon, in the beautiful suburban neighborhood of glen Ellyn IL. Tragedy struck, during a unprecedented lunch rush uproar. Chaos struck at the heart of one local sub shop. Timothy Boyle who is the general manager, of this fine location killed his entire staff and all the customers in the store. Before being discovered, hiding in the back of Verizon cuddling with laden. He suffered various sclier related injuries. And dies while on the way to the hospital.
Here's the story. Tim arrived at the store at approximately, 1116 am. Upon his arrival he noticed that prep was still not done, there is a line of customers out the door. And bread is fading fast. So Tim says(in his black voice) what the hell be going on up in here. You clocking in at 730, and can't finish the prep. The local nigger slave responds by saying look at the camera's look at the camera's. So tim remains calm and trys to control the lunch rush. However to odds are stacked against him. On staff we have: Marc walking around on zans, drowning in sinks and unable to complete the simplest of task. Shoipe is on her phone sitting down and marquise is trying to fuck her. Heather is standing around coaching everyone. Instead of helping. And this chaos is getting to tim. Finally he screams like a pterodactyl l, after the slave shouts welcome for the last time. Frustrated tim leaves to buy beer to calm his nerve. After leaving the store. He is unsuccesful at buy beers because he lost his wallet 3 times I'm weeks. It is at time he realizes he has a emergency beer stashed in his truck. He cracks the beer sits back in his drives seat in front off the store about to take a sip. When suddenly, Marc came out of nowhere. And leaned on the window spilling the beer while attempting to ask for a raise. Tim loses it. Slams on his gas, jumping the crub, running Marc over in the process. And crashes into the lobby of the store killing 6 customers. He then precedes to beat the rest of the staff to death with a pepperoni stick. Before fleeing to verizon.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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