Local Man in Custody after 37 Children Injured in Freak Accident
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DC man is in custody pending charges following an incident at a local elementary school which left 37 students injured and caused $32,000 in physical damage to the building. Witnesses say the suspect was walking to the main office when an untied shoestring was the catalyst for this catastrophic event. After tripping over his loose shoestring, the assailant tripped over what some of the victims parents are calling "some big ass motherfucking shoes". It's reported that while falling, the assailaint simultaneously kicked 23 children with one shoe. Witnesses report that the other children were injured when a stomp to regain balance created a large hole in the floor which the children fell in. Parents are outraged wondering why boots that big were ever allowed in the school in the first place. The assailants son who we've learned is called "little foots" feels the outrage is unjustified stating his 1st grade classmates need to "man up". We'll have more on this story at 11.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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