Brick Thrown Through Restaurant Window Starts Fire
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Late last Saturday night at a pizzeria in downtown Lagrange known as "Dinicos", a young man threw a brick through the window, starting a fire. Witness matt weems described his escape, "I was eating dinner with my friend when it happened. I was checking if I'd gotten any nudes on streetchat when everything started shaking. A car with incredibly loud bass pulled up and I immediately recognized the driver as Alex Gorski. Then I saw his passenger, Christian Coclanes. My friends and I had forgot to invite him to come to dinner with us and I guess that made him angry. Christian jumped out of the car and ran up to the window, launching a brick threw the glass, smashing it. The brick missed all the RB kids working and hit this kid in my grade Jarod, oh shit wait nah his name's stephon "in" hale, who was lighting a blunt at the time. The brick knocked the blunt onto the kid sitting next to him's Ducks hat starting the blaze. Ducks hit guy was drunk as fuck and tried to get out and run but his Lebrun jersey went up in flames because of all the alcohol he was sweating out. At this point me and my friends tried to dip the fuck out but it was hard to run because we kept tripping over all the hover boards and longboards sprawled out all over the floor. One of my friends jack Carey tried to run out the back door but the sleeve of his vineyard vines long-sleeve caught fire and he tragically died along with blue and his tru's that came to dinicos with him. When the rest of us reached the door we started getting the girls out first but one girl, sack testy, got her fat ass stuck in the door. I thought we were dead for sure. All of a sudden I heard the bass again. I thought gorski was coming back to try and take us to a party again but it wasn't him. As the bass got louder I could make out "centipede" by knife party. All of a sudden my friend hangsty and other friend Owen "cool shadè" busted through the wall with his 2005 BMW 4-Series. They saved our lives that day." The blaze was eventually putout when a May wood man, lenzi Harris(who was out front at the time) road his skateboard into the street and used his denim no sleeve jacket to wave down responders. The blaze killed 36 people that night including one police officer, sgt. assmore. Police chief Gianni Daltorio who responded to the fire identified that the blaze spread so fast due to the amount of water bottles filled with various alcoholic beverages and all the dry leather from everyone's sperrys.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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