Young Teen Arrested For Grand Theft Auto.
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9:33 p.m. Police received multiple reports of a Hispanic Teen by the name of Gustavo Molina engaging in unusual behavior outside the Heavenly Bodies strip club. Bystanders described seeing the teen running in place against a wall for several minutes and then running into what the police now know was a stolen vehicle The car's owner reported that after throwing him violently to the ground, the suspect “just sat quietly in the car” for a moment. He dismounted and continued his noncommittal robbery spree by removing the driver of a nearby S.U.V., again getting into the vehicle only to get back out a moment later. He then walked in circles next to the stolen vehicle for several minutes, for no apparent reason. A witness overheard him ask, “Wait, how do I steal a car?” . The suspect climbed on top of the parked S.U.V. and began to stomp on the roof, while inquiring, “How do I go in the door?” After jumping down, the man kicked in the driver’s-side window and mirror of the car, screaming, “How do I go!?” After walking in place against the side of the damaged vehicle for a moment, he finally regained access. As he sped down the street, he commented, “Why do you have to be a bad guy in this? Why can’t you be the cops?” Right then, the suspect crashed the stolen vehicle into a female pedestrian. He backed up, got out of the car, and repeatedly stomped on his unconscious victim, while saying, “Oh, gosh,” in a concerned voice. Apparently in a state of great distress, the suspect broke into a Ford Mustang that was parked nearby and fled the scene, saying, “I want to get out of here. I want open country. Less busy. I need some peace and quiet.” He drove at legal highway speeds but still managed to sideswipe as many as ten vehicles and injure an unknown number of pedestrians. Coming to a sudden stop, the suspect exited the vehicle, abandoned it in the middle of the street, and said, “I didn’t mean to get out . . . O.K.” The suspect was seen acting aggressively in the middle of an intersection. As police closed in, he attempted to steal a big rig but was pulled out of the cab by its driver. The two engaged in a fistfight, during which the driver succumbed to blunt-trauma injuries. The suspect once again entered the eighteen-wheeler but struggled to operate it. His motives remain unknown.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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