South Side of Chicago hosts Celebratory Cubs Circle Jerk

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Over the weekend the south east side of Chicago held what is called a "circle jerk" to celebrate the Chicago Cubs making it into the 2016 World Series. With the attendance reaching upwards of 2000 people from Chicagos South East Side, South Side, and North West Indiana, the event that was scheduled to be 3 hours long, ended up lasting 47 hours. Local news media was not allowed to attend, although there were plenty of local celebrities and business owners in attendance. When local Cubs fanatic, who went by the name "Fat Pockets" was asked about what went on inside the giant sausage party, he informed us that "Nobody actually jerked themselves off. Everybody just reached over and worked the guy next to them." Some 600 gallons of corn oil was used as lubricant.
In what is said to be unrelated news, every live goat in the city went missing right before the party. Most were returned home, wearing makeup and covered in corn oil.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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Oct 2016