Barnsley Woman Bones a Bike!
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A 40-year-old woman from Edmunds Road, Barnsley has found love with a bike named Brandon and she says it's the best sex she's ever had.
Diane Houltby says she's fallen head over heels in love with a mountain bike named Brandon and she's finally happy after a string of bad relationships.
She always says that sex with Brandon is the best sex she's ever had and rubbing her bare skin on the bikes tyres makes her reach orgasam faster than any man could.
Diane commented "the fastest Brandon has ever made me cum is in 47 seconds. I tipped him on his side and slowly lowered myself onto him... it was amazing! I'll never forget that night".
Diane is often seen by locals in the area on the pennine trail, naked with the bike. One gentleman said that he regularly see's Diane on his weekend walks, usually she's completely naked making out with the bikes handlebars.
Diane has also said that she's looking out for another mountain bike as her relationship with Brandon is not monogamous and she has always wanted various bikes at a time.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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