HEALTH & FITNESS: Local Toledo mother of two sees remarkable transformation after doing these two things per day.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 28532 Shares
Alina Maria Lozano Martinez (24), recently made a couple changes that have changed her life in ways she couldn't believe were possible. In our reporters interview with her we asked her what she's been doing to get such incredible results. She replied, "well it's pretty simple, I walk the stairs and get dicked down real good at least once a day." She said the pictures worth a thousand words. Left: is Alina in her previous relationship and way of life. Right: is a picture of her after the move and being reunited with her "studmuffin superstar genius model boyfriend" as she puts it. By doing just these two things she has lost weight, had extensive muscle growth in her legs and ass, rapid hair growth, and became just more overall beautiful in appearance. We caught up with her physician and boyfriend Dr. Zachary J Sexmachine M.D to ask him what he thought of her transformation. He said, " as her doctor I was proud to see her living a happier and healthier lifestyle. But as her boyfriend I was fucking stoked. The dramatic increase in my knob getting slobbed on per day is a gift from God himself. She's experienced a little pain and discomfort but I assured her that was just from all the super hot stanky badass heterosexual Intercourse. Her body wasn't used to it and we can see that buy some of the bruising on her legs and titties. She seems to be doing quite well and is completely and utterly satisfied. Her head game is strong as fuck and she knows how to throw it down in ways you wouldn't believe. She truly is a remarkable person, and it's awesome for me because I get to leave every morning with a full stomach of Mexican food and a juice box." Alina went on to say, "the stairs are great but his dick game is strong, that's what keeps me going. Sometimes we spice it up, every once in a while I'll growl on his nut sack and make funny popping noises with his penis. His box munching capabilities have seemed to be getting better in his old responsible adult age. It's honestly the best decision I ever made." Our reporters said this was truly one of the most remarkable stories they have ever covered and wish nothing but the best for the future Mr. And Mrs. Dr. Sexmachine M.D.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.