North Side Man Wanted After Drug Fueled Sexual Rampage
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Max Garcia (shown in the picture above) is wanted by 16th district via complaints from local residents stating Garcia was harassing little boys in Jefferson Park supposedly offering them magic happy pills with intent to tickle their buttholes' after being seen stealing coricidin cough & congestion pills from a cvs pharmacy on Milwaukee & Lawrence & eating them while yelling " Im going to tongue punch your fart box" at elderly women. Garcia was last seen chasing a teenaged male down Higgins yelling "I am the browneye bandit, let me feel your insides". There are no further details at this time.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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