YAGERMEISTER AND SLEAZBALLS IN TROUBLE AGAIN! (and this time you won't believe what for)
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Tuesday night around 10:00pm, witnesses claim to have seen what looked like two (highly intoxicated) suspicious males roaming the north side streets. Suspects Frank Yager, also known as "Yagermeister" and his accomplice H8r Sleaz aka "Sleazballs" were seen horrifically harassing a homeless man on Federal Street. As Yager held the man's face with his saturated red Flaming Hot Cheeto fingers, ultimately burning the man's eyes to blindness, Sleazballs repetitively poked him with a knife attached to a baseball bat. Screaming "Hastalavista baby!", Sleazballs then took off running with the homeless man's cup of change. Following in quick pursuit, Yager noticed he dropped his 50 cent Newport he bought from the Arab store moments before the incident. In a desperate but failed attempt, Yager retreaded to save his cigarette. Seconds later police surrounded and searched the suspects, finding an alarming amount of methamphetamines on Sleazballs, and a weeks worth supply of Flaming Hot Cheetos on Yager. When police later questioned the two fugitives, they stated, "We needed bus far to get from Baby Compton to Adult Compton and the Grays wasn't tryna come up off no change."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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