Emily Coatney : from victim to survivor, inside mental illness
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"Some people said that I wouldn't make it" said Emily Coatney as we sat down with her. The first thing that I noticed about the home was that noone but herself lives there. Emily Coatney is asked a pretty simple question, but the answer was not what we expected. We asked her " If you could tell anyone anything about your journey, who would it be and what would it be"? She stares to the side and thinks for a moment and then she says this " I'm not famous and I share what I have, nobody really knows where I've come from. "There were nights that I slept in someone's car, I've slept on the floors of churches, I've even slept in public bathrooms." I would have liked to tell my family that I forgive them". From a young age Emily Coatney struggled with bipolar and schizophrenia but didn't get help untill ordered by a judge in 2008 for a violent crime in which the victim pled for mercy from the court. " I had two sheriff's deputys standing behind me, I just knew my life was over but I was given a second chance to do things right and I sought help and it got me here today". When were you first incacerated we asked her. "17 years old, I was kicked out of an entire state and ordered never to return, and then 19 I was given 5 to life. I maxed out the 5 years on probation violations and a judge in 2003 non processed my felony but never told me. It's 2016 and nobody ever told me that I wasn't a felon anymore. I missed out on alot thinking that I was a felon but I must look forward because I can not get those chances back now". How did you grow up we asked her. " I had to fight for my life everyday, my mother was bipolar and had multiple personalities, she was abusive but she died at the age of 41, I was 13". "Where was your father"? "Never around and always working" she tells us. She continues to tell us that her father just died a few months ago and that she battles depression. " I have no grave to visit him at, I never got to see his body or his ashes so I struggle with that". "How come you never had children"? She is silent for a few moments and then tells us of a fear of repeating the cycle of abuse. "What would you tell other victims of abuse"? " I would say that you are not a victim you are a survivor, a warrior and a fighter. "What was the worse thing your mother ever did to you"?"She stabbed me in my back with scissors because she said I wasn't standing still when she was cutting my hair, I still have the scars on my back, but like all the other times I don't remember much after those incidents. I was told never to tell, so I didn't, but I am telling you now. " I have nightmares that will never go away and I've never felt so alone in my entire life but I have my freedom and I don't have to ask anyone for help. I have stability and my mind is now stable. I still have symptomatic impulses of my mental illnesses but the only person who gets hurt from them is me". "Can you explain that"? "Well I am always depressed and barley eat or sleep. I fight a constant urge to end my life but I'm winning because I am alive and every 24 hours that passes I won. Sometimes it's real scary and other times I don't care. When I don't care then I know the time is getting near where I might not be here tomorrow but I deal with it today and if I'm here tomorrow then I won. I am not ashamed or embarrassed because I am sick, I have a terminal illness just like cancer and theres no cure for me all I have is hope". What does hope do for you"? Hope gives me everything I need I wish I could tell you everything about my life but we don't have time today and nobody asks anyway, but when you have your own mental funeral very often you reflect on the people you would hurt and I hope if it ever happens that people will forgive me, that's all that I hope". "Do you have friends that support you"? No, I have no friends because I don't like people and don't like to get close to anyone, they (doctors) say I need to be socialized like I am an animal but I don't want to be socialized. I'm not an animal. I love a handful of people only maybe 3 people that is outside of my family and the 4 people that I have left in my family. It's hard to trust people. I'm maybe like a stray dog, pet me feed me and let me go about my way but don't trust me either because next time I may bite you. I might not growl first but I may bite you, it's an instinct you know, not literally bite you but hurt you to keep you from loving me." "I tell Emily that I wish we had more time to talk, she smiles and says this. " Time can be your friend or time can be your enemy. If you are living life and you are happy then time is your friend, but if you are waiting to die then time is not your friend. Time is your worst enemy. A final question before we wrap things up " why did you want to talk today"? I just want whoever is reading this to know the truth and accept it. If they care them maybe they will show it but don't get mad if I don't welcome your friendliness or if I'm short with you. I don't know how if feels for someone to care so I don't expect anyone to. My own mother hated me and my father let me be homeless so what can a stranger do or estranged family member that I don't even know do for me? I never have to be homeless again I have a good income and I don't need anybody but my sister and her children, I am alive today because I live for them and everyday I win, if I lose I want the world to know that there are many others like me too afraid to talk."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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