Springfield man charged with threat of gapping everyone on the street in 2017!
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A local Springfield man is bing charged with inducing panic after announcing that he is going to hurt feelings on the streets in 2017. 29 year old Springfield native Christopher Varner said that he is tired of being the underdog in town and now " its time to turn up the heat on these bitches " varner said in a brief statement after being loaded into a cruiser late tuesday night. Varner has been working late hours and trading sleep for project time to complete his $31 upgrade he purchased from the local speed shop.. " this sticker pack is going to bust that ass son " he added. Varner owns a 1998 Gmc Sonoma he dubs " the racetruck " and claims that everyone should wear a helmet when they line up; Claiming that everyone will need gap insurance when he bangs the light.. Varner is scheduled for a mental evaluation thursday afternoon to see if he is compitent to withstand his own level. more details as they arrive..
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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