Little Village Drunkie on The Run
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Today Magdalena Lopez turned 21 years old. Within minutes of midnight on October 26, 2016, Lopez was caught waving her state i.d. at the corner of Ridgeway and 26th street buying cases of alcohol from Moreno's liqour store. She later then went on a rampage and stole Findencio Sanchez's Gofundme earnings who was selling paletas from his cart. She bought more liqour. Neighbors called authorities and complained about Lopez's erratic behavior. Police arrested Lopez and blew .16 on her breathalyzer test, which is double the legal drinking limit. Lopez managed to escape from the handcuffs which she inherited those escaping skills from her Tio El Chapo. She is now on the run. Many say she's headed south to hide out in Mexico or Puerto Rico others say she will be clubbing at Lite Club. Witness said they last seen Lopez in Little Village wearing ugg boots, leggings, and a North Pole jacket poppin' bottles of Tequila mixed with some Puertorican Ron Caña. Any leads that traces to Lopez please call Chicago Police Department. There is a reward for her arrest and unlimited supply of Hennessy bottles for a year.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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