21 Y/O Former R.I. Resident Suffers Stroke
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Jesse K. Jorgensen, a 21 year old former Resident of Richmond, Rhode Island, has reportedly suffered from a stroke while enjoying a day off at the Six Flags New England Amusement Park in Chicopee, Massachusetts. Witnesses say that Jorgensen was on the popular "Bizarro" Ride when the spectacle occurred, on camera.
Jorgensen had apparently gone to the amusement park locked in the trunk of a Pontiac Sunfire as his friends, Dylan and Tyler Schuelke, as well as another person who asked to remain anonymous, had basically just up and kidnapped their companion. Jorgensen had reportedly not minded, as Tyler explained that he had been used to having a lack of oxygen cells in his brain because he was "Mentally Fucked to begin with."
"When we had gotten on the ride, he was sitting right next to me," Explains Tyler, 17, who shows me the photos of the odd faces that Jorgensen had been making on the ride. "It had started and we went down the first time, and that's when I looked at him and started laughing. I honestly thought it was hilarious, because I mean he Is autistic, so I just figured his brain went fully retarded and shut down into Safe Mode. I mean everyone knows that's how it works, right? Autistic People's Minds run on Windows XP. It's pretty common knowledge."
"But knowing this is what actually happened, now I kinda feel bad for laughing about it." Tyler stops speaking as he looks at the photos, realizing it may have been a bad idea to buy copies of them before calling for medical attention as his friend was dying 2 feet behind him.
"I don't feel bad at all" retorted Dylan, 21, who proceeds to explain about how he has known Jorgensen since the 3rd Grade. "Maybe a stroke will help him a little. Maybe it will kill some of those retarded brain cells, or hell, maybe they'll Create actual Working brain cells. Either way, if worse comes to worse, at least I'll be able to look at that fucking face for the rest of my life."
"Jesus, what an ugly fucking bastard," Dylan snickered as he pulled the plug on his beloved friend, causing him to go into a medical crisis, claiming that he had been "recording it as a prank for his Instagram Account."
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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