Big hairy painter killed trying to rescue fat women stuck in a toilet
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 87004 Shares
Kevin My Donnell the super hero Painter was busy painting stars on the sky light of fat women's house. The larger than life lady wanted to look at stars while on the bog. She had been incompasitated for sometime and couldn't leave the house.
However, as Kevin was painting he heard what he thought was whale like sounds coming from below. After looking though the glass he noticed the the big woman had gotten stuck in the bog. Quick thinking Kevin, the nearest thing you can get to superhero sprung to the rescue with his trusty pink crowbar and wedged open the skylight.
However, this heroic rescue attempt quickly turned bad as Kevin was quickly overwhelmed by the noxious gas arising from the wedged whale. Kevin subsequently fell through the skylight breaking the neck of big hippo killing her instantly.
Garda Micheal My Donnell (no relation either) said on arriving at the scene" it was the worst thing he'd ever seen and smelled, the mix of blood, shite, chicken fillet roles and paint will never leave him"
During the funeral service, father Mac Donnell (no relation) said "Kevin lived his life trying to do the right thing, but this time he should have left the fat bitch choke on her chicken fillet role and doughnuts and went on with the painting"
Kevin tombstone reads, "hero till the end, but Fuck that fat bitch"
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.