BREAKING: Study suggests shushing your friends increases life expectancy by up to 5 years.
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CLEVELAND, OH | Scientists conducted a 6-month study throughout 2016, researching the health benefits of shushing your friends. Among the 1,200 studied, more than 60 reported immediate health benefits, ranging from better sleep, less headaches, and significantly reduced paranoia.
react365 correspondent Michael Blaine sat down with the study's director Michael Webber to discuss the study.
"We wanted to test whether or not it was placebo," Michael stated. "or if the claimed benefits were simply from the newfound silence. "One of the biggest hurdles of the study was trying to find participants who weren't infatuated with cats. They were the most difficult to work with, and posed the biggest threat to the credibility of our study." When asked why, Michael simply said "Because cats have tails."
Michael and his team plan to present their findings across the country, and tickets to his show are available at his website michaelblaineforyou.com
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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