English soccer giants Manchester United snap up Waco teen

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Manchester United, 20-time champions of England's first division soccer league, have bolstered their attacking options after completing the signing of 18-year-old Benjamin Ringle out of Waco, TX, United States of America. Ringle has had many ties with Manchester United, playing for their Central Texas daughter club throughout his primary school years, as well as leading the club to more than 50 trophies as a manager on the EA Sports FIFA game.

Jose Mourinho, manager, of Manchester United, said "Yes, we recently parted ways with super striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic. We thought it would be difficult to replace such a footballing god, but once we found him [Ringle], our dreams for the future of the club were far exceeded." Mourinho has praised Ringle for his excellent vision on the field, and plans to play him next to Wayne Rooney and Paul Pogba in the central midfield.

Ecstatic with the chance, Ringle commented "I have many people to thank for my success, but I'd especially like to thank Lloyd Alcorn - he never let his passion and desire for my success be overcome by the copious phlegm in his throat."

Ringle will make his debut on the opening weekend of the 2017-2018 English Premier League, as United take on West Ham.

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.

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