Chicago woman guilty of robbing coffee shops
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A chicago woman, now identified by the name of Margaret Clay, has been arrested following a string of coffee shop robberies across the Chicago land area. The shops that were targeted were primarily Dunkin' Donuts with a few Starbucks. Sources report that Clay didn't go after many Starbucks because she claimed they were "too bougie" and even "too expensive to rob."
Clay had been a faithful patron of the Dunkin Donuts brand for years, patronizing them especially when she got coupons. If she didn't have money, she just dug through the trash for old cups or asked could she have their leftover coffee grounds before they threw it away in the filters. She would then eat these at her desk directly. However, lately, Clay started becoming very irate when the location changed morning brew recipes. She took it personal.
She went to Starbucks, but her cheap taste buds couldn't handle the taste of the more rich brand. Her robberies started there, but her lack of wearing a mask while she emptied the register and snack refrigerator, led to authorities first getting on her. She then took her personal vendetta to Dunkin and began going to various locations to rob them of coffee, their frozen Boston creme donuts, frozen tater tots, and their egg white mix in a carton. Clay has been put into rehab where her system is being cleansed of caffeine and her sentence of 30 days will start immediately after.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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