Bear Sightings at Local College Reported
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
2059 12864 Shares
Concerned college students have reported numerous bear sightings within the Lakeland Community College and Holden University Center campuses. Veteran Officer John Smith commented that such sightings were unheard of before the beginning of the local college's summer semester. "Lakeland doesn't usually have any run-ins with wildlife for the most part," explained Smith. "Our only issue is the plague of Canadian geese. Those bastards are the devil incarnate." According to eye witness testimonies, the bear that most commonly prowls the campus is described to be over six feet tall with a brown mane and bellowing voice. The creature also was described as having a bipedal gait. "It just looks like a tall, hairy guy to me," admits art student Ben Dover. "I'm more scared of those geese, to be honest." An anonymous wildlife enthusiast approached the media and encouraged others to not fear the bear. "Lakeland and the HUC should be flattered that such a majestic beast frequents there so often," gushed the wildlife enthusiast. "It's so beautiful." Students are asked to refrain from reporting any further sightings and to just let the bear go in peace. "I kind of like having the bear around. It's actually quite handy with computers," Smith said.
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
Most Popular
-
1
bigfoot sighting at jackson lake campground near oak hill ohio Several eye witness reported seeing a large hairy animal of some kind near the Jackson lake campground. Local authorities are asking people to be cautious if you are planning on fishing near this area. One of the witnesses where able to snap a picture with their cell phone before the creature ran away near the Tommy Been rd area.
-
2
new york city woman loses her temper, causes black hole to swallow her entire town Anna, 26, of New York City, DC was in the middle of an argument with a colleague when her temper got so out of control, it formed a small black hole, which demolished the vast majority of her neighborhood. "I just couldn't take it anymore, and unleashed my forces at the person who was irritating me. I had no idea the energy of my rage could cause such destruction," says Anna. Despite the ruination her anger has caused, Anna says she has no regrets. "I actually wish I knew I had this ability sooner!" Anna laughs. "There are a lot of people and things I could have eradicated from my life in this way."
-
3
whale spotted in illinois river A humpback whale was spotted near Morris IL in the Illinois River today. The sighting comes just days after 2 Great White Sharks were seen frolicking in the same area. While not impossible, it does seem unlikely. It is thought that the whale may have followed the sharks as they sometimes do in the wild. The whale would of had to travel over 1250 miles to get to this location. The Marine Biologist Association will be in town for a full investigation. Until we have answers, we are asking folks to keep their pontoons and fishing boats docked.
-
4
two great white sharks found swimming in mississippi river near saint louis, missouri. While it is not entirely impossible, it is incredibly uncommon for salt water dwelling creatures to stay for lengthy periods of time in fresh water. However, two Great White Sharks have managed to survive the trip and make their way up the Mississippi River somehow. Believed to have started as a mating couple, the two are assumed to have swam the 920 mile journey from the mouth of the Mississippi River that is connected to the Gulf Of Mexico. Officials in Saint Louis have contacted the Missouri Conservation Department and will likely have a team in the river soon to capture the two lost sharks.