Local Celebrity Musician JOHNNY ANGEL Former "Emperor of Music" Dies 24 Hours After Claim To Fame in a Mini Pool Full of Honey Mustard!
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A Chesapeake man only identifiable by his stage name "Johnny Angel" has recently died tonight after his claim to fame. Discovered no more then 24 hours ago by major music executive Jeffery Dingus, outside playing on a street corner. His discovery was short lived after his body was found in the backroom of Head Lights, a Portsmouth strip club in the area. Apparently after signing his $500,000 contract with Gutter Bucket Records Angel requested $100,000 up front, of which he used on his nightly rampage. After receiving the funds Angle bought a 2016 Dodge Charger that he stocked with a hundred bottles of patron from a local ABC store. Angle then proceeded to crash the Charger into a nearby Wendy's. Alisha an employee of the Wendy's had this to say, "He kept asking for more honey mustard. We gave him all we had but he wanted more and after about an hour he told us he was going to ram this Charger into the Mother F****** Building if he didn't get more." Trevor the Wendy's manager says, "After he told us he was going to drive into the building I simply said, 'No Balls' and s*** he REALLY did it! I was shocked." After crashing his Charger Angel walk no more then fifty yards to purchase a brand new one from the same dealer across the street. After getting in his new Charger Angel proceeded to a local hot spot called Head Lights and bought out the place. The manager of Head Lights who didn't want to be identified had this to say, "Yeah the dude just came in and kicked everyone out and then starting dancing with the girls, the weird part is he kept asking them to pour honey mustard on themselves. I mean the dude just had pockets full of honey mustard. It was the craziest s*** I've ever seen." Jeffery Dingus who has been a leader in the music industry for the past 30 years and signed Angel had this to say, " I've never lost a client that fast in my life to fame, but damn he went out hard! And he will be sadly missed in the music industry." Johnny's body was found in a mini pool full of honey mustard without a pulse with five stripers still giving him a lap dance. Cause of death was due to honey mustard entering his lungs."One of the strippers who refused to be identified had this to say, "He kept telling us to dunk his head in the 'mustard bee s***' and to keep dancing even after he past out."
Johnny's last words to the local media upon being discovered were, " I have taken my life, conquered my obstacles, and become a ruler. I am the Emperor." An Emperor who will be surly missed. Angel was also set to be the lead in a feature length film entitled, "Bail Out Two, BAIL ME THE FUCK OUT". His role will be given to the more talented Joe Jensen, another local heart throb.
We will have more on Johnny's funeral arrangements as he will be laid to rest the way he described in his last will and testament. To be burned and mixed in with the mini honey mustard containers at the chick-fil-a on Portsmouth Blvd. The local manager at chick-fil-a had this to say, "Well, considering all the rumors going around online about the cleanliness of the restaurant I thought, 'Why the fuck not!'"
This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.
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